I've been avoiding writing this blog. The day Luke told me he cheated was one of the worst days of my life. That's not something that is easy to write about, but here goes...
It was a friday afternoon and I had just come home from work. Luke had dinner ready and as I ate it he watched me nervously asking more than enough times if I enjoyed it. When I was done he said we needed to talk and I pretty much knew he was going to tell me something about Cathy. However, I had no idea how bad it would be. After we had driven somewhere secluded, he got out a notebook and started shake. I remained calm, but his nervousness was starting to scare me. Besides, up until that point he wasn't much of a writer. My stomach started to churn, but before I had enough time to prepare for what I was starting to realize, he read the words "I was unfaithful to you" from the scribbles on his notebook page. He didn't have time to finish his thoughts before I started rapidly spitting out question after question. At first I was calm because it was almost as if I was having an out of body experience. However, as my anger started to kick in, I started to come back down to earth. "Was it cathy?" I asked. Then I said, "It was Cathy wasn't it?" All he could muster was a whimper, whine, and then finally a "yes." After that my questions became angrier and more rapid fire. Then my anger finally broke him and he started crying uncontrollably.
Finally, I calmed down and my love for him took over. When my initial anger subsided I was able to hug him and tell him it was going to be alright. At that moment I saw him as a child of God and my heart yearned for him to be saved. I saw that he wanted to become a different man, but that he needed to feel God's love. In this crucial moment if I had closed my heart off to him, he might have mistaken that as the door to God's heart also closing. I got out of the car to hug him and stood up on the edge of the open car door well so that I could cradle his big frame in my arms more comfortably. I told him about God's love and forgiveness and made him promise that he would commit himself to the Lord no matter what. Then I told him if he had any chance with me at all he was going to have to fight very hard. The icing on this bitter cake however was when I told him I forgave him. Right then and there I forgave him. I can honestly say right now that I really did forgive him, and I still am in the process of doing so. I don't think I understood the depth of forgiveness Christ was giving me and allowing me to understand at that moment. I'm still realizing it and it's more powerful every day.
Then the best thing happened. As I hugged Luke I noticed something beyond the nearby buildings settled in the clouds, highlighted by the setting sun: there hung our own little miracle rainbow. There was no reason for it to be there, the weather conditions weren't right for it. Still, there it was. God's love in visible form. I pointed it out to Luke and he cried tears of Joy. Well, we both cried. I believe it was sent to tell us the same message of future hope and restoration that the rainbow Noah and his family saw thousands of years ago.
My worse fears had come true. I've faced some of the worst days of my life since Luke told me everything, yet also some of my best. God has a way of making even the worst situations a glorification of his forgiveness and salvation which he offers to the worst of us sinners. In that I can truly rejoice.
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